Sleeping with Fishes

Winter game late but I was sure all the time that it will come unless that fucking thing called climate change. Now it is minus 15 celsius and I´m ready for the ice skating. False merories are circulating in my head when I try to concentrate to think once again who I was and what will be the name of the game this year.

I remember that they tried to take care of me. Now all that bunch is sleeping with fishes and my crew has gone to the mattrasses. Still many are after me, but they have no chances at all. No chance to change my tricky way of acting, speaking and writing.

Somewhere in Finland mad shrink is waiting for my actions. He knows that the final hit can come at any time. Let him wait; it´s good for him to live also in the same fear which he has caused to his patients. Maybe he shall also sleep with fishes. Before he had kisses, now relaxation with fishes. You just can´t have them all.

Lucien is at the end station of his strange life. He never understood what went wrong, not even when they shot him dead. Lucien had poor luck.

I don´t know how to live this life when your head can´t make difference between real or false memories. I suppose I´m the hardcore survivor. But if real memories are also faked? And how can you know if you living in the state of mental illness? You think that live is good, live is straight. But who´s the one to judge?

This is no science fiction, this no reality, this is only one accidental way of organize your memories. What do I care which are true or which are false? I´m still going wrong. Things could be worse; I could be sleeping with fishes with all those young marble giants who wanted to live forever and which are now forever out of picture.

My welfare state studies are followed all over the world. They´re followed in Stanford University, they´re followed all over South Eastern Asia, they followed in headquarters of Europian Union in Brussels. So I keep giving them modified facts which suits to my game plan. This is the game where the winners have gone to the mattrasses and losers are sleeping with fishes.

No, no, no! No more! Not this time, consiglieri.

No more meetings, no more discussions, no more cheap tricks.

You give 'em one message: I just want keep my perfectly beautifull world where nothing ever happens. If not, it's all-out war: we go to the mattresses.

My libido is strong, stronger than ever. This is a good thing and it is also a bad thing. But what to except if you training two hours 3-4 times a week with high intensity? This is the place I dreamed for years ago. I am strong and I shall go to ice fishing to meet the people who were once after me and who are now sleeping with fishes. I am not a criminal, I am just an average middle aged guy who has nothing to lose.

And last false memory of the day; yesterdays papers are telling the yesterdays stupid news. We had the end of the history when Soviets Union collapsed, we had eternal economic growth IT-boom, we had all the blessings of globalization, we had forever growing welfare state. Where are they now? Am I the only sane person on this planet who´s mind is not sleeping with fishes? Or am I just the grazy scitzhophrenic Finn who has lost his touch to reality gor good?

I move through the white landscape. At least I have an strong impression that I am existing in time and space. That´s enough for me. I´ll keep on walking till my legs are hurting.

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